The past week has been hard. It's been exactly a week since my cousin Jeeta's death. When I first heard, I cried a lot. My mother used the word "expired" which is so Indian but that's off topic. Like I said, it's been hard. Actually, after I found out that she died, I had to walk the rest of the way back to dorms, trying very hard not to cry infront a whole bunch of students and a few teachers, especially one that I did not particularly like.
When I got to dorms, I collapsed on the floor of my room and cried for the longest time. Then I tried calling Dimpu and unfortunately her phone was off, and then I called Ms. Preeti, who actually didn't know who was calling, that was until I was like "and Dan's not here either." [ reference to my big aweseome brother] She ran down to dorms but not before telling me to go find someone and not to be alone.
I tried to find Dimpu and Simi but both weren't in their rooms. I tried to see if they were in the kitchen when both my dormparents saw me and called me into the office. There was no way I could avoid and when I did go, there was no way that they missed my red eyes. They asked me what was wrong, but I decided not to talk because I was scared that I would just start bawling and that is not something I was comfortable doing infront of my dormparents, especially Ms. Ronita who is kind of not emotional. They gave me chocolate and sent me back to my room to wait for Ms. Preeti.
On my way back, I decided to call my big brother, who lives on the other side of the world which makes it very difficult to have him answer. I decided to try and leave him a message telling him what happened, but after three attempts of it, I was 100% sure that he wouldn't understand anything with my sobbing away. And my sisters called and started crying and I was already crying and then I had to stop so that I could understand them and because I'm their older sister and they needed me, but the second the call ended I was back in my room crying on the floor. Ms. Sarah (my other dormparent) came in and sat with me for a while and then she too had to leave but not before she gave me more chocolate. Finally Ms. Preeti got down and I managed to tell her what had happened, well, she managed to understand me even though I was crying.
Ms. Preeti left when I finally calmed down a bit to tell my dormparents so that they knew what not to say and all that. My dormparents went to tell my friends that I was, well, upset but didn't tell them anything else because they know that it's my decision who I tell things to, especially stuff like this. So when I felt like leaving my room to go and find something to eat because I was extremely hungry, I saw Ms. Sarah leaving Dimpu's room. So I went in and dragged her to dinner which she actually never lets me do, but due to current situations, most people are being super nice, willing and cooperative AND still giving me my space to yea, except for a few people who want me to just talk about it and I wasn't just ready to talk to them about it because I didn't want to. They try to smoother you with hugs in hallways or ask how you are in a huge crowd of people and you can feel the tears coming and just want to stop them but sometimes they just fall no matter how hard you try.
I managed to get through dinner without much display of emotion, except I did send a few glares out... come on, there were girls talking about their JSB dress and how they were going to die if they couldn't find the right shoes! Well, I did tell Dimpu and she dragged me up to her sister's apartment where I let myself be pampered by Mrs. E and Prarthana and got chocolate from them too. Ms. Preeti forbid me from sleeping by myself that night so Prashansa came to sleep in my room. Simi filled my hot water bottles for me and I actually got no homework done even though, I thought I'd do some to distract myself. I actually fell asleep during study hall because I was so exhausted from crying so much and the pain of losing someone who was like my twin back home.
Anyways, I have to go eat dinner, or at least find people who are willing to go with me. That's why this is labled part 1. Until later.
**hugs**
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