Bad day

I wrote this yesterday but just did not have the time to post it before my mother unplugged the internet.

Today, for the first time since I got back to BBSR, I left the neighborhood. It was amazing to once again be away from my prison for the short time I was out. My mother took me along with her to go shopping since she couldn't just leave me alone. Technically I wasn't alone since my cousin brother came back but then he apparently wanted to go get a few things as well. Either way, I got to go out and it was nice to see a different scene for those few hours.

The upsetting thing however, was the reaction I got. I have basically been living with a bunch of women. First my sisters then my mom, then my aunts and one of the college students. The only 'men' I had seen were a few college teachers, my cousins, uncle and that was it. I went outside and I could see the way their eyes lingered too long on me. I shuddered as I walked one guy who was blatantly staring at me. There was something in his eyes that made me recoil and grab my cousin's hand.

I got back to my prison and strangely felt relatively better to be in a place that I knew. I don't know it it's a good thing or if it is a bad thing. Either way, my comfort soon turned into anger once my sisters reached home. Lunch was uneventful. However after that, my mother told me to hide the remote from my youngest sister so that she would do her homework rather than watch. I hide the remote and recieved three hits to the head with a wooden spoon. I was so angry. I turned around, grabbed the spoon from her and smacked her. I just did it on pure instinct. I let my anger get the best of me and then my mom got angry with me for defending myself when I was losing freaking brain cells. I still have a headache from what happened in the afternoon.

Once again, I want to get out of this prison. I'm tired of living under a roof where I am nothing but property. No one wants to deal with my sister's temper tantrums so they place it on me. No one wants to deal with my cousin who isn't eating so they push that responsibility on me. No one wants to tutor my sisters because they do not respect their teachers or do their work so they push that responsibility on me again. If I try to say no, they blackmail me saying that they will not allow me to return to Woodstock and I know that they will attempt to carry out that threat if they need to. I am tired of this. How can I tolerate yet another year of this? I want to give up so bad so that they will see that what they are doing is wrong and not hurt others.

Why is this so complicated? I don't know... but still. Anyways... this is enough thinking for now. Till later.