I wrote this yesterday but just did not have the time to post it before my mother unplugged the internet.
Today, for the first time since I got back to BBSR, I left the neighborhood. It was amazing to once again be away from my prison for the short time I was out. My mother took me along with her to go shopping since she couldn't just leave me alone. Technically I wasn't alone since my cousin brother came back but then he apparently wanted to go get a few things as well. Either way, I got to go out and it was nice to see a different scene for those few hours.
The upsetting thing however, was the reaction I got. I have basically been living with a bunch of women. First my sisters then my mom, then my aunts and one of the college students. The only 'men' I had seen were a few college teachers, my cousins, uncle and that was it. I went outside and I could see the way their eyes lingered too long on me. I shuddered as I walked one guy who was blatantly staring at me. There was something in his eyes that made me recoil and grab my cousin's hand.
I got back to my prison and strangely felt relatively better to be in a place that I knew. I don't know it it's a good thing or if it is a bad thing. Either way, my comfort soon turned into anger once my sisters reached home. Lunch was uneventful. However after that, my mother told me to hide the remote from my youngest sister so that she would do her homework rather than watch. I hide the remote and recieved three hits to the head with a wooden spoon. I was so angry. I turned around, grabbed the spoon from her and smacked her. I just did it on pure instinct. I let my anger get the best of me and then my mom got angry with me for defending myself when I was losing freaking brain cells. I still have a headache from what happened in the afternoon.
Once again, I want to get out of this prison. I'm tired of living under a roof where I am nothing but property. No one wants to deal with my sister's temper tantrums so they place it on me. No one wants to deal with my cousin who isn't eating so they push that responsibility on me. No one wants to tutor my sisters because they do not respect their teachers or do their work so they push that responsibility on me again. If I try to say no, they blackmail me saying that they will not allow me to return to Woodstock and I know that they will attempt to carry out that threat if they need to. I am tired of this. How can I tolerate yet another year of this? I want to give up so bad so that they will see that what they are doing is wrong and not hurt others.
Why is this so complicated? I don't know... but still. Anyways... this is enough thinking for now. Till later.
June 30, 2011
June 3, 2011
Almost Time to say See you Later
I can't believe that it's only like a week until it'll be summer vacation and people will be loading into buses to return home or go somewhere else for the summer break. Yikes, I've said bye to a few people already, now I have to say bye to the few people in Woodstock who have meant the most to me.
Although Morgan and Magill have been here only for a semester, they have become a part of my life. They are some of the best roommates ever. Those two plus me, Jeena and Dimpu equals the best room... EVER! At first actually, it was just supposed to be me, Jeena and Dimpu who were going to room together. The day we reached school we figured out that Morgan and Magill were crashing our room as well. At first I thought it was going to be rather strange but those two were just as equally crazy and fun and fit right in with us. Sure in the beginning Jeena was a bit distraught that she would not get as much space, I think it was for the best that we gained two surprise roommates. I'm never going to forget watching Russel Peters when we woke up in the morning and got ready for school or late nights when we just stayed up and played truth & truth or watched a movie together or the birthday surprises at midnight or any other amazing memory which would take forever to write because I could go on and on and on about them. In the end, I know that those two have made me smile numerous times with their amazingness and that I'm going to miss them loads.
Not only are those two leaving, Jeena's leaving too. Do you know how depressing that is for me? She's been my best girl friend since middle school! How in the world am I not going to miss her! :( I only found out halfway through the semester that her dad was pulling her out of Woodstock. I really don't want her to go home and she doesn't want to either. It sucks that our lives are still dominated by our fathers who care about no one but themselves and what they want. They are such control freaks, I swear... If you've heard me rant about my father, then try multiplying that by like 1000. That's how bad Jeena's dad can get. This is why I don't want her to go home. Well, that's not the only reason. I also am going to miss the one person who I could talk to almost everything about in dorms. The only person who didn't mind me raiding her food cupboard. :( Now my darling best friend who is also like a sister to me is returning home, somewhere I don't want her to go. I'm going to miss her so much! I don't know what I'm going to do without her next year.
Now, Jeena's leaving, guessing who else is leaving. Yes, my big brother who is the most wonderful, annoying, cute, adorable, stubborn, hyper and crazy person in the world. My big brother is ditching me for the world out there in College. :( I mean, it's bad enough that I am losing my best friend, I'm also losing my bestest big brother. He's been a HUGE part of my life for the last 3 1/2 years. And now... he's gonna be gone. Meh... I hate goodbyes. I have no clue what I'm going to do next year without him. He's always been there for me and now he's not going to be here to get me ice-cream at the strangest time or give me hugs whenever I need/want them or let me get his shirt all wet from crying or take me OB to have non-school food or to tickle me to death or to annoy me or make me have a heart attack when he does stuff that I think is dangerous and a bit scary or take me to buzzar or a whole bunch of stuff that I could go on forever mentioning! I'm going to miss him sooooooo uber much. Although it hasn't hit completely yet, I know it will when I'm chatting with him and he talks about being this place and that place which I have no clue about... on the other side of the world. It's going to hit the most when I get back to school and not have him to text to and have him asking me how long it's going to take to get home to him... and when I get off the bus when coming up with school party and not having him there to give me a hug or to get me to come up to school on a non-school day just because he's up there doing something in Parker Hall.
Next year is going to be so hard without a lot of the familiar faces. Thankfully people like Dimpu and Anti-Social and Shalaka and Hazel will be there. It's going to be hard though, I'm losing 2 out of the 3 people who I tell almost everything to. I couldn't think of rooming with anyone but Jeena... so I ended up signing up to room with a new student next year. Hopefully, they'll be nice. I just don't know who else to room with. I mean, I have roomed with Jeena every single year and for Senior she's not going to be there. As for the Senior Pages... I really really really wanted to do it with Jeena but she's not going to be there... :(
Not to mention, I'm becoming techie for next year's journalism class. They also asked me to help out with the Economic Magazine thing. I'm also taking the Yearbook class... YIKES! I'm going to need a bigger laptop... and yet my mother is stingy and wants to keep a laptop which she uses once or twice a month just because it is hers. Geez... my netbook was basically designed for internet... she doesn't even need much space, she just wants to be able to use the internet... it's sad, her laptop goes un-used because she won't let anyone but me and her touch it. If my sisters need to use the internet, guess who has to get the laptop for them.. Me, that's who. Meh... I should go back to doing my Choir essay. Yes I know, lame. Who the heck does choir essays... well I guess people here do. It sucks but I need the grade. Till later!
Although Morgan and Magill have been here only for a semester, they have become a part of my life. They are some of the best roommates ever. Those two plus me, Jeena and Dimpu equals the best room... EVER! At first actually, it was just supposed to be me, Jeena and Dimpu who were going to room together. The day we reached school we figured out that Morgan and Magill were crashing our room as well. At first I thought it was going to be rather strange but those two were just as equally crazy and fun and fit right in with us. Sure in the beginning Jeena was a bit distraught that she would not get as much space, I think it was for the best that we gained two surprise roommates. I'm never going to forget watching Russel Peters when we woke up in the morning and got ready for school or late nights when we just stayed up and played truth & truth or watched a movie together or the birthday surprises at midnight or any other amazing memory which would take forever to write because I could go on and on and on about them. In the end, I know that those two have made me smile numerous times with their amazingness and that I'm going to miss them loads.
Not only are those two leaving, Jeena's leaving too. Do you know how depressing that is for me? She's been my best girl friend since middle school! How in the world am I not going to miss her! :( I only found out halfway through the semester that her dad was pulling her out of Woodstock. I really don't want her to go home and she doesn't want to either. It sucks that our lives are still dominated by our fathers who care about no one but themselves and what they want. They are such control freaks, I swear... If you've heard me rant about my father, then try multiplying that by like 1000. That's how bad Jeena's dad can get. This is why I don't want her to go home. Well, that's not the only reason. I also am going to miss the one person who I could talk to almost everything about in dorms. The only person who didn't mind me raiding her food cupboard. :( Now my darling best friend who is also like a sister to me is returning home, somewhere I don't want her to go. I'm going to miss her so much! I don't know what I'm going to do without her next year.
Now, Jeena's leaving, guessing who else is leaving. Yes, my big brother who is the most wonderful, annoying, cute, adorable, stubborn, hyper and crazy person in the world. My big brother is ditching me for the world out there in College. :( I mean, it's bad enough that I am losing my best friend, I'm also losing my bestest big brother. He's been a HUGE part of my life for the last 3 1/2 years. And now... he's gonna be gone. Meh... I hate goodbyes. I have no clue what I'm going to do next year without him. He's always been there for me and now he's not going to be here to get me ice-cream at the strangest time or give me hugs whenever I need/want them or let me get his shirt all wet from crying or take me OB to have non-school food or to tickle me to death or to annoy me or make me have a heart attack when he does stuff that I think is dangerous and a bit scary or take me to buzzar or a whole bunch of stuff that I could go on forever mentioning! I'm going to miss him sooooooo uber much. Although it hasn't hit completely yet, I know it will when I'm chatting with him and he talks about being this place and that place which I have no clue about... on the other side of the world. It's going to hit the most when I get back to school and not have him to text to and have him asking me how long it's going to take to get home to him... and when I get off the bus when coming up with school party and not having him there to give me a hug or to get me to come up to school on a non-school day just because he's up there doing something in Parker Hall.
Next year is going to be so hard without a lot of the familiar faces. Thankfully people like Dimpu and Anti-Social and Shalaka and Hazel will be there. It's going to be hard though, I'm losing 2 out of the 3 people who I tell almost everything to. I couldn't think of rooming with anyone but Jeena... so I ended up signing up to room with a new student next year. Hopefully, they'll be nice. I just don't know who else to room with. I mean, I have roomed with Jeena every single year and for Senior she's not going to be there. As for the Senior Pages... I really really really wanted to do it with Jeena but she's not going to be there... :(
Not to mention, I'm becoming techie for next year's journalism class. They also asked me to help out with the Economic Magazine thing. I'm also taking the Yearbook class... YIKES! I'm going to need a bigger laptop... and yet my mother is stingy and wants to keep a laptop which she uses once or twice a month just because it is hers. Geez... my netbook was basically designed for internet... she doesn't even need much space, she just wants to be able to use the internet... it's sad, her laptop goes un-used because she won't let anyone but me and her touch it. If my sisters need to use the internet, guess who has to get the laptop for them.. Me, that's who. Meh... I should go back to doing my Choir essay. Yes I know, lame. Who the heck does choir essays... well I guess people here do. It sucks but I need the grade. Till later!
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